spandexisyouth | Twenty-sixth Lotus

[The pen rests here, and then he's done writing. He'd thought Bell wanted to buy him.]

I... [Youth looks down, trying not to let Bell's attitude get to him. He's as gentle as possible as he carries Bell in. For a moment he considers his partner before tucking Bell in a little better, trying to impede movement. He knows how tempting it is to try to escape.]

I will have the tea ready in a moment.

[Before leaving the room, Youth feels Bell's forehead. It's still hot. He leaves the room and grabs a washcloth, running cool water over it before coming back in and placing it on Bell.]

If you stay still that will help.

[Youth is gentle, and, unhappy about this whole sick thing as Bell is, he has to appreciate that. His head is spinning less by the time he is placed on the bed. He wriggles a little as Youth tucks him in.]

Yeah, ok.

[Youth's hand is so nice and cool compared to Bell's own skin, and he misses the touch when it leaves. The washcloth is a welcome relief too, as much as he hates to admit it, though it only emphasizes how warm his skin is, and he shivers. ...Unfortunately, being a burrito means less arm movement, and his nose was running.]

...A tissue would be helpful.

[He sees the wriggling and wonders how long Bell will stay still. Probably not long. At Bell's statement Youth nods and grabs a tissue from the box on top of the dresser, carefully taking care of Bell's nose after removing the scarf. The kettle whistled and Youth nodded.]

Stay here. I will be right back.

[The water got poured, and Youth grabbed both mugs and their sugar container, bringing them in to the room quickly. He didn't know that Bell actually would stay put. Then he's untucking Bell just a bit, enough so that Bell's got his hands free if he wants them.]

Do you need to be supported? And can you hold the mug or would you like me to? I do not mind.

Mmmm.

[Bell considered wiggling off the bed and unrolling himself when Youth leaves, but doesn't quite manage to find the chance. His reflexes are sluggish, and it's taking more effort than usual to encourage his body to move. Bleeding would be more tolerable in comparison.]

[When Youth frees his hands, Bell takes the opportunity to slip them out. He narrows his eye at Youth.]

I am not a child. [The effectiveness of the statement is interrupted by the need to wipe his nose. Then he removed the washcloth from his forehead. It was beginning to feel warm and ineffective anyway.] I can hold a cup on my own. [He reaches out for the mug, even though his hand feels somewhat shaky and disconnected from his head and body.]

No. You are not a child. But you did not struggle when I picked you up, so you are weak. I do not want you to burn yourself or choke.

[Youth grabs pillows from the other bed to stack them behind Bell anyway. He knows how rough it can be to feel sick. Taking the cloth, he feels how hot it's gotten already. After giving Bell the mug, Youth gets up and leaves the room to hastily grab a bowl, put cold water in it and a couple of ice cubes, and return. He dunks the cloth in the chilly mix before sitting on the bed next to Bell and dabbing Bell's forehead. It might be annoying. But Bell was already not happy with him. He might as well try to make Bell feel less miserable no matter how annoying it was.]

What else can I do?

Just because I don't struggle, doesn't make me weak.

[He settles back against the pillows with his mug of tea, carefully sipping at it, though he doesn't take much. Even Bell is afraid he'll burn himself. It's too much work to try an escape, so Bell stays, and the icy water from the bowl Youth returns with makes him shiver. He bats away Youth's hand. His head feels clogged and hot and thinking is at a crawl.] Don't fuss over me.

[He sips the tea a little before giving up on it. The steam is clearing his nose, but the heat is becoming too much. He tugs open the burrito he's rolled in tries to sit up. Dizzy again...] I'll tell you what. I'll stay put, go to sleep...just let me go to the bathroom--then I'll go to bed.

You are sick.

[He looks down, a little discouraged, as Bell tries to keep his hand away.] I want to help you. You are important to me. And I will help you whether or not you let me, so it would be easier if you let me.

[Youth takes the nearly full mug from Bell, frowning at the fact that Bell had wanted the tea but now couldn't drink it. He nods and unwraps the blankets the rest of the way. Bell doesn't look entirely stable. And if he's offering to stay in bed, then he's probably realizing how bad off he is.] Lean on me. I will get you there.

[The mug goes off to the side, and Youth is standing, holding out an arm. If he has to carry Bell again he will without problem, but he doesn't want Bell more annoyed.]

So I've heard. [Sick, pervert...synonyms.]

[Bell only faintly hears the "you're important to me" speech as he casually waves off the words. Youth-speech. Tune in at the end and say "mmm" and it should suffice.]

[He looks at Youth, considering the offer and wishing he wasn't. It's not that there's anything wrong with Youth or the offer, and if Bell were feeling better, then leaning into Youth might have a certain appeal, but right now he would have to admit a weakness, a need to lean on Youth for something as simple as getting from point A to point B. ...He didn't want to have to lean on anyone, to be a burden--he didn't want to be something broken.]

[Then again, no one else is around to see. Youth...probably won't hold it over his head later, or discard him for it. They're...partners. He guesses he can give Youth the benefit of the doubt and see where it gets him. ...Bell can trust himself enough to put his trust in another. He stands, taking Youth's arm, and there's a buzzing in his head. The dizzy heat is back, and there are unpleasant dots over his vision. He grabs Youth's shoulder to steady himself, though he's not sure it'll work for long.] Try to carry me again, and I'll kill you.

Then you should listen to what you hear! [Completely missing the other angle.]

[He waits, seeing the consideration. This is one of those moments where he shouldn't push. While Youth can't figure out why it's such a hard decision to let him help Bell, he has to be patient. Maybe it's a similar struggle to his own desire to not look weak, but he can't remember it being that hard. If he gets sick again, badly sick, he won't be quite so independant. Probably.]

You would have to get stronger to kill me. [The threat stings, even if he takes into account Bell being grumpy because he's sick. Youth puts an arm around Bell, supporting him and trying to lead Bell to the bathroom. His partner's actually extremely hot, and Youth's starting to get worried.]

What about a bath? How does a cool bath sound? Since we are going that way already.

Edited 2010-07-29 18:53 (UTC)

Mm. Maybe. [Of course.]

[Maybe later he will fully appreciate the consideration and Youth's patience with him, but not now. Now he's too ill and beginning to realize it, to appreciate much of anything. He doesn't hate Youth, he's frustrated, with himself and his own body, and with the fact that he'll have to rely on Youth for something as simple as this is.]

I'd hope so. [He murmurs, not really sure what he's saying anymore. The arm steadies him, and leaning into Youth, Bell lets Youth lead him. There's a familiarity to this, even if he is reluctant to surrender this kind of control. If he doesn't fight it, it feels...almost ok.]

...Yeah. [He nods a little and stumbles into Youth.] ...that's good. ...put your hands all over me... [He's getting dizzier and Bell's afraid he's going to have to admit defeat. He can't fight this fever on his own, and when he gets to the bathroom, he leans on the counter, feeling weaker than ever.] ...Youth, it's really hot.

If I am saying it.

[One hand is wrapped around Bell's back, under his arms, the other is on his chest, helping to hold him up. Youth can feel how much Bell is relying on him, along with how much heat is radiating from his partner's body. This isn't good. He'll be patient while Bell is sick, and try to not let the comments get to him too much.] Much stronger.

Yes. My hands on you. You would like that. [It's much easier to make comments when he doesn't mean them in that way. He just wants Bell distracted in a good way instead of being upset or focused on feeling sick. If Bell is admitting he's hot, this is bad. Okay. Bathroom first, of course. Youth undoes Bell's pants and scoots them and the underwear down.] Here. Sit.

[After manuevering Bell he starts working at the rest of Bell's clothing: shirt, shoes, socks. Bell's skin is extremely warm. He shouldn't use water that's too cold, it might shock his system. Lukewarm, then. He keeps one hand on Bell's chest, supporting, as he reaches to start the water going and get the temperature correct.]

Bossy.

I would. On. In. [He's running on autopilot now, letting comments come out without thought, without meaning, focused on just trying to move and keep himself together. It's so hot, so exhausting. Bell sits as directed, shivering at the cool surface beneath him.]

...your hands feel amazing... [He coughs harshly before trying to reclaim a semi-normal breathing pattern. His body aches, and he doesn't help much when Youth pulls the clothing off him, but he doesn't resist either, even if he is tempted to remind Youth that he's not a child. It feels good to undress; the clothing was getting sweaty and restrictive...and now his nose is running. Bell searches for tissues and ends up just taking a wad of toilet paper to pinch his nose with.]

Everywhere. [Youth wishes he knew more of what he was doing. This seemed to be the right thing, but he's not certain. It didn't fall under the familiar feeling as the first aid classes had. Good, the temperature was right. He plugged the tub and redirected his attention back to Bell.]

[At the comment and cough Youth rubs Bell's chest gently.] Let me know when you are ready to get in. And then my hands will be on you more.

...kinky. [The water looks inviting, that's about all Bell thinks right now, so it seems the right thing to do as far as his feverish mind is concerned. He's to the point that the freezer looks pretty inviting, though, but the bathtub does seem to be the more sensible option. Probably.]

[The contact is soothing, even if the chest rub doesn't fix anything. He should say thank you for all Youth's help, but it just doesn't come naturally to his lips.] Now's fine. [He takes Youth's hand from his chest and stands slowly, coughing again, letting Youth set the pace for guiding him into the bath. Once he's settled in, he slides down low, trying to be covered by as much water as possible, and looks over at Youth.] ...you don't have to do this, you know.

I am glad you think so. [He's watching Bell, trying to pick up on any cues of Bell feeling shaky or worse. Not being used to taking care of someone who is sick, Youth isn't sure what to watch for. But he's here.]

Then now. [It's Bell. Youth doesn't expect to be thanked. Sure, he hopes for it just a little, but after the talk about Youth being too expensive and being put up with, he doesn't expect anything positive at all. Youth is very careful as he helps Bell get in. He doesn't want the other man slipping. He considers the waterline with Bell in the tub and turns off the water. It's as full as it can get.] I want to do this. You are feeling ill and need help and I want to be helping you. Is the water helping? Do you need it colder or warmer?

[Youth is humoring him...or something. This is supposed to work the other way. But it is just too much effort to manage good sarcasm and witty remarks in this condition.]

[After a few moments, Bell is pretty sure he is now getting too cold, if feeling the need to shiver is any indicator, though he doesn't think his skin has cooled down that much. With a sigh, he raises a dripping wet hand and runs his fingers along Youth's forearm.] ...oh. So, what do you want from it?

...I think I'm cold.

[He's playing along partly so that Bell is still talking, and partly as a distraction. It's so much easier when he's not actually thinking about the connotations of what he's saying.]

I want you to feel better. I do not like seeing you not feeling good. [He's fairly sure Bell is making a sexual offer, but that's really not a good idea. Bell needed his energy to heal. Youth frowns at Bell's statement, reaching over and feeling Bell's forehead.]

You need to be warm. You have a fever; somehow I need to keep your temperature from being severe. I think you need to be in here a few more minutes. Here. [Youth grabbed one of their washcloths before glancing at himself. The shirt had short sleeves, but it was going to get wet likely. Quickly he undid the buttons and dropped it off to the side, leaning over to dip the cloth in the water and gently dab the areas of Bell that weren't submered.] Your fever was very high. I want to make sure that it is lower before we get you back in bed.

Edited 2010-07-30 08:18 (UTC)

...if you want to make me feel good... [Well, ok. He didn't expect to be taken up on the offer, even if it did sound really good right now (and even if Youth just spent 5 days Bell-less and, he could only assume, sexless). The loose afterglow feeling would have been a wonderful contrast to this ache his body was suffering right now. Youth's hand was just the right temperature, not too hot, not too cold. Youth all over him would have been perfect.]

I was already too warm. [He sniffled and faintly grinned as Youth treated him to a (well, only halfway and purely functional) striptease before sponging him down. Take it all off! he thought. If he was going to be stuck sick and weakened, Bell supposed, he might as well be treated to some eye-candy... Except not even eye-candy could keep his tired eye open.] M'kay.

[He leaned over a bit farther to give Bell a kiss on the forehead.] I think that should wait until after you are not feeling bad. We do not both need to be sick. [Sure, things would feel very good, and he had missed that along with Bell. But Bell was weak. It was obvious in every movement. Youth didn't want to weaken him more.]

You were too warm. And you need to be warm so that your body heals, and not too cold. [It was so much easier to read Bell when the scarf was gone. Then again, it wasn't like he needed the grin to tell him what Bell was thinking when he looked at Youth. But the trouble Bell was having staying awake confirmed for Youth that his decision was right.] Please try to stay awake for a little longer. I do not think it is crucial; if you cannot then that is all right. But it would be good to know that you are aware until you are tucked in.

[The bath had probably gone on long enough. He didn't want to leave Bell in it too long, and it felt like the right amount of time. Youth pulled down a towel and draped it over his shoulders. It would be easier to wrap Bell in it.] Are you ready to get out? If not that is fine, you can stay in longer.

[That was true, he didn't want to get Youth sick, and he very well could if they even attempted anything, but logic wasn't high on his body's priority list.]

Uh yeah... [Resting his head on the side of the tub, he dragged his eye open and barely nodded. Yeah. Awake would be good. People died when they were asleep--people died when they were awake, too, but alert was good. And he couldn't make much sense of anything anyway, even his thoughts, so awake was about as aware as he was going to get.]

Sure, ready. [He held out one hand, while using the other to balance himself on the tub's edge, and stood shakily. He still felt warm, but Bell was fairly sure he was cooler. Youth had accomplished that at least.]

[It looked like even keeping his eyes open was taking a lot of effort on Bell's part. The look on Youth's face was worried, eyes and forehead both reflecting this. Youth pushed Bell's hair back from his face.]

I have you. I am here. [Youth wrapped the towel around Bell, a little more concerned about supporting his partner than fully drying Bell. Water might actually help him stay cooler, but he wouldn't want to be soaking wet. With care he guided Bell out of the tub.] Lean on me and I will get most of the water off. Hold on however you need to.

[He works quickly, not wanting to make Bell stand any longer than he has to.] And next we are going back to the bedroom where you are going to lay down, and I will be getting you cool water to drink.

[Worrying Youth is the last thing he wants to do right now, and he is afraid Youth might send him to Wellspring too. Bell did not like medical wards. He leans into Youth's touch.]

...Thanks. [He gives a small smile.] Such a dangerous offer. [He rests his cheek against Youth's bare shoulder and puts an arm around the man's waist, not making an effort to grope or molest, though he does press a soft kiss to Youth's neck just before he is done being toweled off.] ...ok. Just...don't go to too much effort. I'm sick, not dying. [He turned away from Youth to sneeze.]

[Neither of them liked being stuck tended to by doctors or nurses. Youth would only take Bell there if things looked serious. He didn't want to make Bell even more miserable.]

You are welcome. [He smiled back, shaking his head.] I said need. I did not say want. [The gentle kiss is reassuring.] I do not go to too much effort. I go to as much effort as is needed! [Carefully he assisted Bell to the bedroom, trying to help but not too much.]

[When Bell was settled Youth got out the aspirin and grabbed a glass of cool water, bringing them to Bell.] Here. These will help as well.

...but what if I need it too? [He just hoped Youth didn't get his cold.] Yeah, sure. [His enthusiasm was tiring, though reassuring and a little encouraging. Just a little.]

[Bell made it to the room without incident and settled down on the bed, trying to situate himself on the pillows in such a way that he was propped up. Accepting the water and pills, he drank them down and rested back against the pillow, closing his eye.] So...I guess you have things to get back to, huh? [Not that he wanted Youth to leave; he just didn't want to monopolize all of his boyfriend's time with playing nurse if Youth had more important, or more desirable things to do.] ...or...can you stay?

Then I am sorry because you will have to wait until you are feeling better. [He would do what he could to not get sick himself.] I am sure. [It was the old argument, the normal one. In a way it was comforting.]

Things? [Youth pulled a layer of blankets over Bell, trying to not put too many on. Catching a chill would be a bad thing, but so would overheating. He gave Bell a gentle smile and climbed on top of the blankets next to him.] I can stay. I would like to stay. Let me know if you need anything.

Twenty-sixth Lotus

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Re: In person

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